The seed of formicidae sown had taken up the shape of mammuthus, when I finally had the time to notice the way it had taken its course. The commentary dictum that I gathered had been sparked off from one end and instead of assuming a middle path had taken the plunge from the cliff edge. Yup! My fellow comrade in this enterprise had acted the well- wisher in this world of strangers and showered me with the sparks of that which Buddha had been blessed with at Bodh Gaya!
I immediately acted immaturish! I took upon myself the spirit of vengeance. It was “V” for Vendetta. The vacuity vents venom to validate the veracity of my visionary verbiage verbalized, vociferously voicing a vehement forbearance to vindicate my vindictive soul. Should I then vault forward with a jingoistic war cry? Should I hurl heaps of obscenities?Should I…..? I vacillate.
Out of the dark depths of the unknown I am confronted with a ray of realization. I read my former exposé and read it again, and yet again. A first time blogger, a stupid creation, a boring rendering of useless jargonistic rubbish, an idiotic expectation! What else was I supposed to receive at the hands of my well wisher? Alas! Foolish me!
Crash… there goes my avenging spirit! I crouch and squat in shame! I avoid direct glances and decide to refurbish my vocabulary and grammar lessons. I am imprisioned by my academic background! I can’t be stupid, can’t be amateurish, can’t be boring, should be grammatically correct, politically accurate. I am supposed to be something. I can’t just get up in the morning and decide to write anything under the sun. I can’t be stupid me! Because well wishers nowadays don’t give an understanding pat on your back and chide your idiocy; they are supposed to crush your ghost of illegibility and be vociferously accurate. Alas, yet again!
This is the axiomatic truth that I have to accept! The epistemology of my “my-ness” is ontologically shielded in jargons, wit and crispness. Then applicably I have proved myself to be a failure in trying to run away from that trinity of materiality, mentality and physicality. The microcosm of my mind gets stunted with the macrocosmic expectation of that which is ‘supposed’ to be me! I surrender the stupidity of my subjectivism, and await the judgement of my well-wisher yet again to edify my imperfections. Posting with that trepidation, not knowing yet again whether this was just supposed to be something I should have jotted down in my personal diary, sparing the witty intellectualism of the haikuan world, from its irrelevant outburst.(Maybe, this was supposed to be nothing more than an extended comment!) I await your discretion, with phobic apprehension! But come what may, hail you dear well-wisher!